Why People Confuse Them
The mix-up is rare, but it happens. Both strategies feel intensely, can go into conflict, and aren't afraid to break the rules. Eights sometimes think they're Fours because they're passionate and remember the hurt and loneliness of childhood.
What the Difference Is
The difference lies in what they do with vulnerability. The Eight suppresses it, toughens up, and moves on. They see weakness and sadness as a luxury they have no time for. The emotion they show most often is anger; they act quickly and get straight to the point. They often don't realize how strongly they affect others.
The Four feels vulnerability and shows it. They have a wider range of emotions, more sadness and longing; they don't let go of old wrongs easily and want to understand them. They're sensitive to how they affect others and talk about things through their own experience. At the same time, they're more resilient than they seem and can carry a heavy emotional load.
When they feel threatened, the Eight pushes harder and takes control. The Four withdraws or lets the other person know they've been hurt.
Subtypes: The one most often confused is the one-to-one Four, who has easy access to anger and can be competitive and demanding; what sets them apart from the Eight is a sense of inner lack instead of self-confidence.
Three Questions That Settle It
Answer honestly, based on how things usually are, not how you'd like them to be.
- What do you do with sadness or a sense of weakness?
4More likely a Four if you let yourself feel it and talk about it with people close to you.
8More likely an Eight if you grit your teeth and move on; you don't want to wallow in it.
- Which emotions do you know best in yourself?
4More likely a Four if you know melancholy, longing, and a whole range of moods best.
8More likely an Eight if you know anger and impatience best, and other emotions less so.
- How do you talk about a problem?
4More likely a Four if you describe how you experienced it.
8More likely an Eight if you say straight out what's wrong and what needs to be done.
Not sure? The test will tell you in 10 minutes. What's my strategy? →
How to Spot a Four →How to Spot an Eight →How They Work Together in a Relationship →